when hillary met eleanor

someone whom i've admired for many years is hillary clinton. during bill's first presidential campaign, i found her to be smart, feisty, loyal, and independent (something i also think and hope that i may see in michelle obama). her individuality hadn't been sucked out of her by the process like so many other political wives. maybe it was that she had a life independent of her husband's or that she was younger than most previous first ladies. i don't know, but i do know that i never found her intimidating, scolding, threatening, cold, or any of the other adjectives invoked by the media, many men, and some women when talking about her.

and although i wasn't, yet, a mother myself, i greatly admired her parenting choices. she appeared to be protective, loving, and always placing the interests of her child first, even if that meant a lost opportunity to help her husband's career, her career, or her image. from everything that i've read and seen, chelsea clinton seems to be a grounded, kind young woman, despite having grown up under very strange and at times difficult circumstances.

when her daughter was on her own as an adult, hillary was free to pursue her own interests. finally. and the route that she chose was as senator of a state that i had come to think of as mine, a place where i had made my home for three years, completing graduate school, marrying my husband, and developing a sense of belonging that i've only experienced in one other place. although many saw her move as strategic and self-interested, i did not. of course, she'd want to return to public service, and, of course, that would involve a state where she and her family had spent so much time and were so loved. surprising to some, but not to me, she's done very well in the senate, working with the very people who made careers out of attacking her for so long, tirelessly serving her constituents, and building a reputation as someone who gets things done. even longtime critics have called her work in the senate admirable.

so when she eventually announced her candidacy for president, i was pleased. happy to see a public servant who had done so much already running. and, yes, i was also proud that such a qualified woman was finally stepping up to the plate. i don't vote for candidates based on their gender, race, age, or likability, but i knew that hillary actively supported so many of the issues that matter to me. and so, i waited and watched...countless debates where she appeared knowledgeable, poised, confident, calm, and, at times, even funny. even in light of the unprecedented hate that was thrown her way from all directions, including our party, she didn't lose her cool and actually appeared to grow stronger because of it. i slowly evolved from uncommitted democrat, happy to support the party's nominee whomever that may be, to full-on clinton supporter. and i don't know if i've ever felt so out-of-synch, so alienated from friends, neighbors, and even some family who seemed to have lost their senses, admitting that they found her too cold, disapproved of her handling of her marriage, or just dug the idea of voting for a black candidate, all of which seemed like extremely bad reasons to elect someone president. goodness folks, aren't we wrapping up eight years with someone that most voters elected on the basis of likability? don't you want the most knowledgable, most professional, hardest working hardass in that job? no, apparently not.

my enthusiasm and the enthusiasm of my husband carried over to our kids. and because we were both sick of how anyone seeking elected office in this country is villainized, we worked very hard to stress the importance of and honor in public service. in the spring, we talked about the remaining four major candidates (clinton, obama, huckabee, and mccain at that point), the nomination process, and one or two differences between the parties. our five year old daughter found it all very exciting and, not surprisingly given our enthusiasm for her campaign, developed an attachment for hillary. and when hillary conceded, eleanor sat in my lap and watched the speech while i cried. it was very difficult for me to get over my anger at so many people--not because hillary lost because, god knows, i've had plenty of experience being on the losing side--but because it had absolutely nothing to do with her qualifications. so, yes, i am one of those bitter, middle-aged, white women. bless kevin's heart, he was every bit as pissed off as i was. but you know what? eleanor was fine. her feeling was that our candidate is out, she's supporting obama, he believes in many of the same things as we do, so he's our guy. she was parrotting what i'd said, of course, but the difference was that she meant it and i didn't, yet.

and finally, about the picture above that inspired this confessional. last saturday, obama made a series of campaign stops around philly. in the spirit of party unity (if i pretend to be happy, maybe i really will be), we wanted to take the kids, but, unfortunately, my job prevented us. however, sunday evening i received one of those mass emails from the clinton staff that hillary would be joining mayor nutter and congresswoman alison schwartz at a democratic rally on columbus day. even thought i had to personally dress three out of four of us and we adventured far into unfamiliar northeast territory, we managed to get there in time to get seats in the very, very crowded 400 capacity community center. and we waited. and peter went through all of our snacks and drinks. and we waited. and both kids entertained/annoyed everyone around with us with their "hil-la-ry"chants and pete's rendition of "grand ol' flag." and then we waited a little more. after about ninety minutes, one of the handlers finally came on stage to announce that they'd be out very soon, and then another handler peeled off from the pack, ran down an aisle, and parked directly in front of...me.

would we mind moving to the stage? no, we wouldn't mind. would our kids be okay in front of a crowd? um, yeeeeeeeah. probably. let's try it. we climbed on stage with about a dozen retirees and one preteen girl and her mother, and we were seated--oh, no--front row, to the right of the podium. eleanor sat on my lap, quietly, smiling at everyone in the audience and whispering questions to me about the lighting and news cameras. pete, well, pete talked (loudly), bounced between me and kevin, played with my clothes, laughed hysterically, demanded snacks that we no longer had, and wanted to know where in the hell hillary was and when we would see her. somehow, we made it through another hour on stage until congresswoman schwartz was finally introduced. then, about five minutes into her remarks, we spied hillary and mayor nutter in the wings, and pete began shouting, "there she is! hillary! i can see her!" i'm sure it was very cute, but all i could think was, "youtube." he calmed down enough that mayor nutter made it through his remarks (and even smiled and pointed at the kids), but pete totally lost his shit when hillary was introduced. seriously lost it. eleanor, who actually knew why we were there, was fine. all smiles and polite applause, knowing exactly when to stand and when to sit. peter, on the other hand, had to be restrained (by me) by his overall straps while I balanced eleanor on my lap. he stood the entire rally, waving and calling to his sweetheart at the podium.

when it was over, and man, was i glad when it was over, hillary and nutter immediately turned to those of us on the stage to thank us, shake hands, and quickly pose for a few pictures. i'd had the good sense to drop our digital camera into my bag before we left the house and kevin scrambled to get it out while we chatted with the senator and the mayor. bless his heart, he missed out on getting his picture made because they were already being rushed to their next event, but kevin managed to snap the photo that you see above. eleanor all business, pete shocked, and me giddy.

i've met a speaker of the house, four governors, several congressmen, a future president, several presidential candidates, and many, many local and state politicians, but i have never been so thrilled to meet anyone. look at my face.