piece meal

like the return of our robins, i'm thrown into a panic over finances every spring. it's the end of our family fiscal year, we've either paid our taxes or received our teeny refund, and i've updated our annual budget. however, with the economy being what it is this year and the sense that things are just so unpredictable, i've been even more anxious that by choosing to stay home with my kids, i'm hurting the family financially. so the internal dialogue raging inside of me over the last month has sounded something like this...can we afford for me to stay home another year? is a fulltime-sized paycheck worth seeing less of the kids and kevin, spending no time at their schools, no longer having those 5pm family dinners, purchasing a second car and everything that goes along with that, and paying someone else to pick up and watch my children until i get home? what about all of the money that's not going into savings?

honestly, i love being with my family, and i would be thrilled to never hold another fulltime job. i like cooking and volunteering and walking the kids to school every day and playing with them and their little friends and organizing our lives and in general just enjoying life. and even the cleaning, which i stink at. while i understand the concerns of women who find it isolating, boring, and mind-numbing, i don't. truthfully, it continues to be the most fullfilling, stimulating, pleasant job i've ever held--one i'm grateful to do--so the idea of returning to fulltime work outside of my home, even doing something that i really enjoyed before i had children, depresses the hell out of me.

but something interesting happened to me this spring. i realized that i am, in fact, working full-time outside of the home. for nearly four years, i've been working very part-time (for pay) in hopes of maintaining my skills for that theoretical day that i "go back." however, that one saturday a week has grown to two full days a week and the occasional third day, as well as the addition of some very visible responsibilities, which, i believe, has made me somewhat necessary at the college, rather than just another faceless adjunct. my occasional book reviewing (again, initially just to keep my hand in things until that far off day) has lead to a small home-based business, complete with my own amazon storefront, generating a small, but steady income that pays for small things like summer camp for both kids, museum memberships, and our afterschool coffee and steamer habit. lastly, the small parents' group that we co-founded has grown from those initial 20 families way back in 2007 to 310 families and counting. i oversee membership, the web site, scheduling, and related issues, including, surprisingly, conflict resolution...all marketable skills. although i receive no paycheck for this last "job," i've made useful, potentially important contacts in the city and i've been thinking about how i can use this avenue as another source of income, but that's still in the thinking-about stage.

interestingly, i know several self-described stay-at-home parents who are doing the same thing, and it seems to be working for them as well. and so i will cross my fingers and hold my breath and do whatever else is necessary to hold on to this fragile, lovely, perfect life we have at the moment.